Missing My Marine

So alone

2008-05-10T19:09:30Z

Well, its been a little over a month, maybe 6 weeks now. I miss him so much. I hate this. He's so worried about me. He's already had a few friends get broken up with, some for other men... He worries he's next. I just want him here. No one else compares to him. I can't imagine ever being with someone else. I just wish he'd realize this.

making the best of it

2008-04-09T22:22:30Z

Well, its not easy. The 3am phone calls after I've worked all night long and have to be up early for school. The internet dying on him when we finally can both be on. The distance. The worries, which go both ways. Except I'm worried for his safety, and he's worried I'll end up cheating or something.

But we're trying to make it as good as possible... letters, pictures... He even walked in a sand storm to call me because he knew I'd be home. He got my first 2 packages and both of my MotoMail letters. I sent out the 3rd one yesterday. He'll be mailing me back my thumb drive as well as his with pictures so I can finally see him! And, well, he wants me to fill up both drives with pics as well haha.

I'm starting to really missing him at those times I wish he was there... dinner with friends, watching a movie home all alone, falling asleep at night. In my day to day activities... school, work, etc... I'm okay. But its those times that he "should" be there and he's not that really make me miss him.

webcam

2008-04-05T18:39:03Z

We got to webcam this morning. Well, it was about 3 am. But we talked for a good hour although his internet kept crashing. So i'd wait, and he'd log back on. I thought it would bother me, but it doesn't. Just seeing him makes me so happy. I thought it would drive me crazy to wake up at 3 am most nights to talk to him, but I don't care. I hope I continue feeling this way. Right now, any time or way I can talk to him is perfect. Wake me up, I don't care. As long as its him, I'll get less sleep.

He called today

2008-04-03T23:28:54Z

I guess quite a bit of guys... even women... are talking about how many girlfriends and wives back home are cheating and/or will leave them. He's so worried I'm going to hurt him. One of his closest friends over there also has a girlfriend but goes on and on about how he doesn't trust her one bit. So the hour (!!!!!) we got to talk, I spent about half of it reassuring him of my love and fidelity. I don't mind though. I want him to know 100% that I love him and want to marry him and will be completely faithful. It's funny... I don't even want another man. I have zero desire. But yet he's so worried. And in my mind, there is no possibility of me ever being with another guy ever again.

I admit, its hard. Sometimes I just want to be held. But I don't want sex or even just making out. That's all for him. There's just times I feel lonely. How do you deal with this lonliness? I hold my son, and that helps, but it doesn't quite fill that void, you know? My friends are great. We talk all the time. But its like there's a hole in my heart that only he can fill. I just miss him so much.

Missing Him

2008-04-02T16:48:30Z

So he's only been gone for one week. But oh my God, it seems like so long already. I wonder at times if I'm strong enough for this. I miss him more and more each day, but I know that each day that passes is one day closer to him coming home. We get to talk on the phone almost everyday, but not for more than 20 minutes. We finally got a chance to be on webcam this morning. I cried. I got to see him and it was so emotional for me. I'm so proud of him though. He's a stronger person than I could ever be.